||[Jun. 11th, 2011|05:09 pm]
My attitude toward living has become predatory in nature. Predatory in a sense of the sterility of common people. My optimism in try to positively influence the people i come into contact with is waning. At this point people are locked into their world views, there doesn't seem like much that can i affect without psychologically breaking them down without their knowing. it's conflicting, i don't like to exert my own self onto to people, but anyway, it would be themselves that would really push anyone into where they end up. But i do feel like i attack people psychologically, i dont like it much, but its cumpulsive. I dont do it to everyone at all, only to people im forced to interact with. People i surround myself with are people I already appreciate living with so we actually create moments.
beyond that at the current moment i see most people as a malleable whole. altruism is still my motivation though and my efforts are geared towards some sort of activism in any given moment. how contradictory to be compulsed to want to find my place in working towards improving the general welfare of society but having to condemn individuals in themselves for their ignorance to the fact.
no longer an adolescent and the youthful optimism has slowly faded into mature acceptance. not acceptance of any specific thing really, but acceptance of what things actually are and the immutability of immediate reality. that isnt to say that i dont believe in magic or that acceptance means hoplessness at all. but thats the rational behind my newfound psychological predatoriness. the immutability of reality, but the malleability of social structures inundated with mindless individuals. which is what unwinds through waves of influence into what reality is. so.
inner conflict: is manipulating people into behaviors i deem more responsible for the race a whole acceptable?
but manipulation isnt the correct term. i see manipualtion as a purposefully instigated influence on a person to reach an immediate and ultimately selfish end. as im a huge carl jung fan id like to use the word "mana".
The quote goees: "The deepening and broadening of his conciousness produced the kind of effect the primitives called 'mana'. It is an unintentional influence on the unconcious of others, a soft of unconcious prestige, and its effects last only as long aas is it not disturbed by concious intention."
when i behave in this way that i feel may be psychologically predatory its only somethign i can look back on because i purposefully ignore the concept entrely in immediate interactions. i can agree that only a passive transmitence of self-actualizing values can be what penetrates the decisive concious mind to plant a seed within the unconcious mind.
so i never know what it is that im doing. but i know that im doing it violently.
i wonder if we could ever ever get beyond violence. it hasnt been too long but would we even want that? no violence and chaos definitely seem like staples in the process of creation and all sorts of evolution. nothing does stay constant. aspirations of intervals of peace and security give us a lot to work for. what purpose is even needed other than immediate security of your own kind.
pain is exactly what has gotten us to where we are as a whole today. pain sets in and pushes the pained into new boundaries of exploration. pain crates new beginings. pain leads to art which creates new myths around individuals and gives them a new begining of living. pain and well being dance eternally, unless of course your simply light and whole. thats an alternative, but where does that take you. into infinity and monotony. undoubtly that infinity is elsewhen in moments of perfection but instability will most likely break it down in due time.
nature is satan. our existence is satan. we live satan every moment. god is a contradiction, to speak of god is to move away from it.
inbewtween, spirits move through our social structures and malleate myths for our achievements. thus, i strengthen my mana by passively being aware, and using the spirits to my advantage for the sake of other indivuals i share my planet with. this satisfies my self's compulsions towards altruism and self expansion in occult fields.
all the while trying not to take things too seriously. the spirit of youth rages pretty violently inside me and so in these days beyond anything, adventure is what im after.