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(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2011|03:55 pm]

The tin drum


gravitys rainbow


the painted bird

id liek to get around to something by lord byron and goethe sometime soon too
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(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2011|05:09 pm]
[Current Mood |indescribabledopaminez]
[Current Music |gallhammer]

My attitude toward living has become predatory in nature. Predatory in a sense of the sterility of common people. My optimism in try to positively influence the people i come into contact with is waning. At this point people are locked into their world views, there doesn't seem like much that can i affect without psychologically breaking them down without their knowing. it's conflicting, i don't like to exert my own self onto to people, but anyway, it would be themselves that would really push anyone into where they end up. But i do feel like i attack people psychologically, i dont like it much, but its cumpulsive. I dont do it to everyone at all, only to people im forced to interact with. People i surround myself with are people I already appreciate living with so we actually create moments.

beyond that at the current moment i see most people as a malleable whole. altruism is still my motivation though and my efforts are geared towards some sort of activism in any given moment. how contradictory to be compulsed to want to find my place in working towards improving the general welfare of society but having to condemn individuals in themselves for their ignorance to the fact.

uh huh.

no longer an adolescent and the youthful optimism has slowly faded into mature acceptance. not acceptance of any specific thing really, but acceptance of what things actually are and the immutability of immediate reality. that isnt to say that i dont believe in magic or that acceptance means hoplessness at all. but thats the rational behind my newfound psychological predatoriness. the immutability of reality, but the malleability of social structures inundated with mindless individuals. which is what unwinds through waves of influence into what reality is. so.

inner conflict: is manipulating people into behaviors i deem more responsible for the race a whole acceptable?

but manipulation isnt the correct term. i see manipualtion as a purposefully instigated influence on a person to reach an immediate and ultimately selfish end. as im a huge carl jung fan id like to use the word "mana".

The quote goees: "The deepening and broadening of his conciousness produced the kind of effect the primitives called 'mana'. It is an unintentional influence on the unconcious of others, a soft of unconcious prestige, and its effects last only as long aas is it not disturbed by concious intention."

when i behave in this way that i feel may be psychologically predatory its only somethign i can look back on because i purposefully ignore the concept entrely in immediate interactions. i can agree that only a passive transmitence of self-actualizing values can be what penetrates the decisive concious mind to plant a seed within the unconcious mind.

so i never know what it is that im doing. but i know that im doing it violently.

i wonder if we could ever ever get beyond violence. it hasnt been too long but would we even want that? no violence and chaos definitely seem like staples in the process of creation and all sorts of evolution. nothing does stay constant. aspirations of intervals of peace and security give us a lot to work for. what purpose is even needed other than immediate security of your own kind.

pain is exactly what has gotten us to where we are as a whole today. pain sets in and pushes the pained into new boundaries of exploration. pain crates new beginings. pain leads to art which creates new myths around individuals and gives them a new begining of living. pain and well being dance eternally, unless of course your simply light and whole. thats an alternative, but where does that take you. into infinity and monotony. undoubtly that infinity is elsewhen in moments of perfection but instability will most likely break it down in due time.

nature is satan. our existence is satan. we live satan every moment. god is a contradiction, to speak of god is to move away from it.

inbewtween, spirits move through our social structures and malleate myths for our achievements. thus, i strengthen my mana by passively being aware, and using the spirits to my advantage for the sake of other indivuals i share my planet with. this satisfies my self's compulsions towards altruism and self expansion in occult fields.

all the while trying not to take things too seriously. the spirit of youth rages pretty violently inside me and so in these days beyond anything, adventure is what im after.
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(no subject) [Dec. 9th, 2009|07:48 pm]
[Current Mood |draineddrained]

the alex grey event was unbelievably phenomenal. it was like a dream.

and smoking one with pos was pretty similar.

and now iv been sitting in a cubicle in the fiu library for 7 hours...

and im hopeful.
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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2009|02:20 pm]
[Current Mood |confusedconflicted]
[Current Music |sick jack]

I've been having something of a conflict within my self recently...

With aspirations of being a physicist later in life, and at the rate which technology is advancing... i've been questioning myself a lot about how much right one group of individuals has into probing the nature of the universe. i mean, we're beginning to go pretty deep, and new theories are even starting to sound like some silly philosophical dreams but... it seems like that's the direction in which the universe is taking us. so... it's just been bugging me to think that maybe the rest of humanity doesn't really care to probe that deeply into the universe. i mean as a physicist i think its practically our duty to keep advancing; artificial intelligence, the search for extraterrestrial life, but if the rest of the world doesnt want advancement like that... do we really have right to push the world in that direction? with the discoveries comes inevitable revolution to the world... and its usually for the better i guess... i mean if just because the majority does in fact want to stay ignorant, does that mean we should? would the fear of advancement on the part of the majority justify stagnancy?

i would say that most who would choose to stay ignorant would do so because of fear of exposure and the unveiling of particular outdated, misleading dogmas, but choosing to stay ignorant for the sake of tradition is innocent enough. but those who don't progress are simply overshadowed and swallowed by the more advanced. by choosing to move deeper, we're imposing our will on a humanity that isn't really asking for drastic change. or maybe they are?

i guess i'll start really worrying when the world begins protesting against scientific advancement...

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the keys are fun [Jan. 19th, 2009|11:44 am]
[Current Music |everyday's forecast]

"some people have a sign around their neck that just says 'vacancy'. those are the people you just walk away from."

damn dude i have not read 20 pages of Pride and Prejudice and i have to have it finished by tomorrow.

i hate reading terrible books for school because i stop reading my own books to motivate myself to read the book assigned to me and i just end up not reading that one either. so i end up not reading anything.

definitely staying in today, had a tiring-ass weekend. drove to the west coast to watch the sunset on the water at Marco island. that place sucks hahaha. it was quiet and full of old people, and i ended up losing my car-keys so we had to sleep in the parking lot. had to comb the beach in the freezing night and morning. but then we found them so it was all good.

saturday morning we went to the keys. there are a lot of really peculiar people in the keys. i had the best key lime pie of my fucking life.

i guess thats it. shit, i really dont have much to say.

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so awesome... [Jan. 4th, 2009|03:49 pm]
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(no subject) [Jan. 3rd, 2009|04:20 pm]
to do list:

stretch septum to 8g.

buy 8g hollow plugs.

buy 10g captive rings.

pierce nose.

plan trip!

write back to Leanne


editCollapse )
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(no subject) [Dec. 7th, 2008|07:29 pm]
[Current Music |brand new]

oh my god dude...


iv been riding on a nice peak for the past few days :]
i can think of a few reasons why.
the holidays are nice.

i filled out my college applications wrong or something, but i didnt get a notice from anybody. oddly enough, i feel much better knowing that iv alredy missed my deadline, so there is now nothing to worry about, as opposed to still having my deadline, and freaking out about losing the opportunity. i guess that would be called a "lowering of standards" lmao.

i dont have much more to say. i'll probably add more to this entry later.

I desperately need to learn to prioritize.
the mars volta makes everything better.
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(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2008|07:34 pm]
i have bugs in my gut man...
i feel like running off a cliff
i need something to happen.

yo vannesa lets do something man.
and when we do, leave that nasty attitude of yours home.

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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2008|10:56 am]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]


EDIT: http://www.cfa.harvard.edu/image_archive/2008/30/hires.jpg
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